


gotham : a conspiracy thread

by noahfense



Series: tim drake: a conspiracy thread [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: All Romantic Relationships are Background, Conspiracy Theories, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jason Todd didn’t die, Social Media, The Wayne's are Famous, Tim Drake being Tim Drake, Tim Drake isn’t Robin, Tim Drake-centric, Twitter, Underage Drinking, YouTube, YouTuber Tim Drake, and implied - Freeform, not beta'd i don't have friends, unhealthy amounts of coffee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-02-29 05:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18772483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahfense/pseuds/noahfense
Summary: ti(i wanna die)m @nightwingsassthe real reason Batman hasn’t responded to my conspiracy thread is because he’s jared,19,-in a world where Jason Todd didn't die and Tim Drake has parents that actually care about his wellbeing, Tim runs a popular batfam stan account and his followers convince him to start a YouTube channel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey B, twitter user "Nightwing's Ass" is very close to discovering the truth. but also very, _very_ off."
> 
> Tim Drake makes a conspiracy thread and Batman does not ravish him like an 1800s maiden woman.

t(i wanna die)m   
@nightwingsass

i touched nightwing’s ass once, and immediately  
made a fan account. i'm not actually batman. 

📍 _Gotham, NJ_  🔗 _http://batdrake.tum…_

 

1,236 following      164.8k followers

 

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass

saw a conspiracy that i was batman, and i   
would like to publicly state that i'm not   
actually batman... which is what batman  
would also say, so believe me if you want. 

3:32 AM • May 10, 2018 • Twitter for iPhone

2.4k Replies  25k Retweets     435k Likes

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass 

happy two year anniversary of the day that  
@cryptidwayne followed me & told me that he  
didn't actually die and get replaced with a look   
alike.

6:32 PM • May 9, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

26 Retweets     4k Likes

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

legend has it if you whisper orphan three times  
in front of a mirror with all the lights off bruce  
wayne will come and adopt you

2:50 PM • May 9, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

12k Retweets     118k Likes

 

 **t(i wanna die)m** retweeted

 **Jason Todd-Wayne**  @cryptidwayne  
" ** _@stephbrown_** : _y'all_ _ever just thank god that  
bruce wayne didn't _ _adopt you."_ fuck you. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tim Drake  
@timjdrake

Timothy Drake, future CEO of Drake Inc.

📍  _Gotham, NJ_  🔗  _http://catherinetoddfound..._

120 following      64.2k followers

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **Tim Drake** @timjdrake

I'm hosting an adoption day at the  
@GothamHumaneSociety Sunday June 2nd,   
we're hoping to home a lot of animals that day.  
so please come out and join us more  
information here. bit.ly/1432234

3:20 PM • May 9, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

12k Retweets     118k Likes

 

* * *

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass

i haven't done a conspiracy thread in while,   
what do y'all want to hear about today???????

_16% voted Is Superman A Clone?_   
**_43% voted The Truth About Bruce Wayne_**   
_23% voted What Happened to the first Batgirl_   
_18% voted The Court of Owls_

_this poll has ended_

 

 **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass

jokes on everyone who chose truth about bruce  
because y'all were sick of clone theories cause   
It's still a clone theory. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass

so alright without further ado let's fuckin do this,  
the truth about bruce wayne, a conspiracy thread (1/??) 

2:14 AM • May 10, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

2.4k Replies  32.5k Retweets     635.2k Likes

 

 **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

so this conspiracy actually starts the night of the  
murder of Martha & Thomas Wayne by Joe Chill  
(which i also have conspiracies about if y'all  
want to hear those). (2/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

Bruce Wayne had actually died that night, and  
bc of all the money & influence the Wayne's had  
on Gotham, the government needed at least one  
of them alive (3/??) 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

bc the news of the Wayne's death had already   
reached the public, they decided it would be  
bruce bc he was still a child, they wouldn't  
have include him by name if he had died   
(4/??) 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

there was also a john doe matching bruce's   
description & age that had been found shot  
to death a few streets away from crime alley  
(actual bruce?) (5/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

also @ older gothamites who lived pre-wayne  
death, was it called crime alley back then or   
did the wayne's death inspire it??? cause i'm  
p sure it was like called the park row tragedy  
or smth in the papers (6/??) 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

anyways back to the conspiracy, was young  
bruce wayne was replaced with a clone to   
keep the wayne enterprises afloat and to   
eventually become .... (7/??) 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

Batman! that's right, the bruce wayne we  
know and love, isn't actually bruce wayne at all.  
he's actually someone the gov. had made to  
become a superhero (same as superman)  
(8/??) 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

and now we get to the proof.   
* bruce wayne mysteriously vanished for three  
years only to come back mere weeks before   
batman made his first appearance. (9/??)

 

  **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

the official story was that he was studying   
abroad, but during that time he would've   
conceived damian, the son of the daughter  
of known "bad guy" R'as Al Ghul (10/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

what was bruce wayne doing with the  
daughter of the "demon head", y'know  
the guy who runs a league of assassins,  
probably batman training. (11/??) 

 

  **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

* right around the time bruce wayne took in  
lil' flying dick grayson, the first robin appeared  
soon after. (12/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

all of y'all responding "first robin?" get the fuck   
outta here, it's 2019 and y'all still think there's  
only one robin??? fuck sake, robin was a blond  
girl for like a whole week. (13/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

anyway, back to theory. the amount of kids  
bruce wayne has always directly correlates w/  
how many bats there are. (14/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

minus the batgirls, who's sole purpose  
are to shit on batman's career. I stan,  
am i a nightwing stan or a batgirls  
stan idk?? (15/??) 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

batman also will slightly change in   
apearance, as in varying sizes, and the   
way he fights, and this different bat  
always appears when bruce is   
out of town (16/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

in conclusion, bruce wayne died the same  
night his parents died and he was replaced  
by a government made being to come the  
batman and all of "bruce's" kids are (17/??)

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass  
 _responding to @nightwingsass_

also government made children that are  
training up to be the next batman. if you're  
reading this pls don't kill me batman (18/18)

2:54 AM • May 10, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

53.5k Retweets     745.1k Likes

 

* * *

 

 

The very next night, nearing four am, Timothy Jackson Drake wakes in the middle of the night with the unsettling feeling that someone was watching him. Tim being Tim dismisses it with a long sigh, and an out loud thought of "Shut the fuck up paranoid Tim, we don't have the fucking time for this you edge-lord." And rolls over to go back to sleep. Now facing the large windows that overlook the city. 

 

Minutes later Tim is woken again, someone now standing right in front of him. He blinks twice, ultimately deciding it's just another bout of sleep paralysis and turns away. 

 _What the fuck you can't move during sleep paralysis?_ Tim heart beats out of his chest as he swings his arm around to his bed side table to find something to throw at the intruder. Unfortunately for him, the first thing he happened to grasp were his glasses. He hears them hit the window and clank against the floor and (most likely break) as the shadowy blob moves out of the way. (Tim would later learn that the blob didn't move at all, his aim was insanely off.) 

"Tim Drake." 

"Jesus Christ," Tim clutched the blankets to his chest like some 1800s maiden who'd been caught sleeping with the stable boy, "...Batman? This is a fucked up dream, I always imagined it'd be nightwing who'd come into my room late at night to ravish me."

 

Tim doesn't remember falling asleep but the next thing he knows he's waking up again just in time for 10am astrophysics class. 

 

* * *

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

the real reason batman hasn't responded to my conspiracy  
thread is because he's jared, 19.

9:54 AM • May 12, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

23k Retweets     120k Likes

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuse for this besides the fact that i have no impulse control and i frequently self-project into tim drake.  
> also,,, i've like had the idea to make a youtube channel for months and do fictional conspiracy theories, like as from the perspective as someone who lives in that world. like y'know other students who went to hogwarts, gotham citizens, etc... and i decided to use tim drake and do it in a story. 
> 
> but i'd also totally still love to do that,,, so maybe eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass  
> today i will be presenting my #batsona,  
> furries please do not interact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't beta read, in fact it's not even proof read, i like briefly skim over this after writing it and then post it within minutes before my anxiety can convince me i'm the worst writer to ever exist and this shouldn't be posted so sorry :))) 
> 
> also i'm sorry for responding to your comments with keyboard smashes cause like that's my only emotion thanks for 75 notes this has only been posted for two days i'm in all ways shook dsakljfafdkjah

**t(i wanna die)m**  
@nightwingsass

i touched nightwing’s ass once, and immediately  
made a fan account. i'm not actually batman. 

📍  _Gotham, NJ_  🔗  _http://batdrake.tum…_

 

1,236 following      342.8k followers

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass

saw a conspiracy that i was batman, and i   
would like to publicly state that i'm not   
actually batman... which is what batman  
would also say, so believe me if you want. 

3:32 AM • May 10, 2018 • Twitter for iPhone

4.2k Replies  32k Retweets     521.5k Likes

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

oh god. i just woke up to so many new  
followers, i'm???? hello i guess??? 

4:32 PM • May 13, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **nina** @batgirlsbitch  
>  _replying to @nightwingsass_
> 
> you just woke up???  
>  it's 4:30 gotham time, I-
> 
> **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
>  _replying to @batgirlsbitch_
> 
> i'm a college student that didn't have  
>  classes today :))) you should be  
>  surprised i'm awake now.
> 
>  
> 
> **sasuke** @grxxnxrrxw  
>  _replying to @nightwingsass_
> 
> yo they featured you in a buzzfeed  
>  article that's probs why.  
>  https://bit.ly/2HwoPzd
> 
>  

**t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

the real reason batman hasn't responded to my  
conspiracy thread is because he's jared, 19.

 

_scroll down to view more._

 

* * *

 

 

Not that Tim doesn't love his parents, because he does love them very much. It's just spending long periods of time with Janet and Jack Drake can be quite overwhelming. Even more so since the divorce. 

 

The story of Jack and Janet Drake is pretty simple in the grand scheme of things. Jack and Janet had been business partners for quite some time, and friends for even longer. There had been a brief flicker of love (probably lust) between the two and they'd became each other's bed mates for some weeks. Janet ended up becoming pregnant and they'd decided to marry to satiate their parents (and high society Gotham.)

They lived in a (romantically) loveless marriage for years and had filed for divorce before Tim was even finished packing his bags for college. Then when the accident had happened (almost two years ago now) they'd both enthusiastically moved on on their own. Tim has a soon to be new step-mom who went to the same elementary school as him (she was in 6th grade when he was in 1st) and his mother has a string of lovers in Brazil, Italy, France, _and_ Spain. Their relationship while divorced is infinitely better than it ever was when they were ever together, and Tim couldn't be happier for them. 

  
However, they are still Jack and Janet Drake. So he has to listen to lots of rants about his father's archaeology trips that doesn't understand in the slightest, and deal with his moms inability to not tell him that he needs a haircut, no matter the fact that  _it's not even that long mom._ Then add in Dana into the mix, where Tim doesn't know whether to talk to her like a potential parental figure or how he talks to his peers considering she's only five years older than him. So it's usually turns into awkward conversations where he pretends to watch Grey's Anatomy and she pretends to know who Hatsune Miku is. 

So it's safe to say he was less than enthused to go to this family dinner tonight.

Even more so when his mother starts asking about his summer plans, she didn't need to know that he planned spending the summer not wearing pants, catching up on all the anime school had made him miss out on and finally hack into batman's to discover his true identity.

But he couldn't say nothing, cause she'd try to sweep him away on some trip in Europe where he has to make awkward eye contact with the men that leave his mother's bedroom in the morning, cause he hadn't gone to bed yet and was awake long enough to be hungry again and the men felt entitled to make some type of conversation.

Please dude, don't talk to me, I don't want it, don't make this more awkward than it needs to be, he'd try to say with his eyes but none of them would ever really get the picture. 

"Uh, I was gonna talk to Gavin, about working at the office this summer. You know, CEO training and all that." Is what he says, and he immediately regrets it, _you fucking dumbass Tim_ , because that means he now actually has to talk to Gavin because that's the type of shit his parents would look into.

Why didn't he just say he was spending the summer in Kansas visiting his singular friend Conner, cause they'd eventually leave him alone for the summer because there's no chance of him getting some poor girl knocked up if they thought he was back together with Kon.

Which they weren't ever really together, Kon is straight, that had simply been a deciding point in Tim's life that he was more than bi-curious and Kon deciding he was not. His parents just happened to come home at a really unfortunate moment. 

"Don't bother Gavin, that man is busy enough. He doesn't need the stress of dealing with you for the summer. Speaking of which, remind me to send me fruit basket," Janet says tucking a strand of honey brown hair behind her ear, a grimace on her red stained lips as she takes a sip of wine older than her son, "I was asking because I spoke to Lucius Fox recently and they're taking in a few interns for the summer, and I think you should apply."  _Please, the only way I'd work with Bruce is if I was applying for the position of Robin._

"I mean, are you sure?" Tim asks nervously chewing on the end of the plastic straw, before quickly moving away realizing the disapproving look on his mother's face, "Wouldn't it be bad business working with our number one competitors?"

Jack scoffs, "Bruce is a old time friend, I'm sure he'd teach you everything he know. You'd be crazy to miss this opportunity." 

Before Tim could come up with a logical reason for him not to do it that wasn't ' _But what about the new season of Attack on Titan_ ', Dana was speaking to him. 

"Hey, Besides you could totally investigate all those conspiracy theories you have about the Wayne's." The fact that his dad is married to someone who unironically uses the word totally wasn't completely lost on him, but it was overshadowed by the fact that she was 100 percent right.

"Yeah, I'll email my application to Lucius." He said, and actually meant it. 

 

 

* * *

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass

today i will be presenting my #batsona,  
furries please do not interact.

8:43 PM • May 13, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

so my batsona's name would be shrike.   
not the usual bat-agnst y'know but   
shrike's are pretty badass.

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

but i am, uhm on the shorter size, so like  
tiny murder, bird hell yeah! 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

or maybe a kiwi, they look pretty  
hardcore??? like those long ass   
beaks??? 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

imagine you're a villain and you get  
pummeled by this short ass dude   
wearing a furry costume called  
kiwi, think about it. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

ahfsliufd imagine being one of the   
first people to get your ass kicked   
by batman. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

it was uh, it was a man with a bat   
on his chest and like dog ears on his  
mask.. i mean might've been bat ears  
but i'm not sure what bat ears look   
like. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

and like yeah, it's okay dude,  
batman clearly doesn't either. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

anyway back to the #batsona,  
i, kiwi, would have a suit that  
literally is furry as hell, and   
like carry a fucking sword. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

y'know representing their long ass   
nose, which i won't get over. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

and just stab villains with it. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

for all of y'all calling that unheroic,  
little robin has a sword and i would've  
went with penguin, but that's already taken.

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

or canary, and i could've made a machine  
to project my voice to unsettling frequencies  
like a canaries cry but that's already taken  
too. 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass  
_replying to @nightwingsass_

anyway drop your batsona's cause i wanna  
hear what fucking monstrosities y'all come  
up with. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

to: luciusfox@wayne.ent  
subject: W.E. Summer Internships

Dear Lucius,

I would like to formally apologize if this email is received past the application dates, my mother had just informed me of the internship at dinner tonight.    
I've attached my application if you're still receiving applications. Thank you   
  
Sincerely,   
Tim. 

 

Timothy Jackson Drake  
timothy.drake@drake.inc  
(212) ***-****

 

 

 see attached : Application.dox

 

re: W.E Summer Internships

 

Hey Lucius,   
  
uh sorry uhm I accidentally attached the wrong document. Please don't read it. Just like ignore it completely. Like for the sake of my dignity and yours. Thanks.   
  
Also, mom and I still hope to see you, Tam and Tanya for lunch this weekend. 

Thanks again,   
Tim.

 

see attached : Actual Application Pls Don't Read the Other One.dox

 

* * *

 

**Application**

Reasons I Should Be the Next Robin 

 

Dear, Mr. Batman Sir,

I should be appointed the next robin. Although, I fear I've already out grown the robin title. Much like Robins I, II, and III I however am very attached to the Robin title so i would like to go with a similar title. Red Robin, which is sticking to the theme more than Robins I & II, I mean, Nightwing is pretty creative, but why did Robin II go with the first known alias of the joker, some sort of personal vendetta. But honoring the fact, that he was my robin, I.e, the one I looked up to the most, and who'd saved me himself, I've chosen to honor his titles from Red Hood and Robin the boy wonder. 

Now for why, I'm qualified for this job. Well, Mr. Batman sir, I'm very determined. Sure, I'm not in the best shape and I've never jumped from rooftop to rooftop before but i'm very skilled with a computer and i could practically be your eyes in the sky,. oh wait, that's oracle. Huh, bet you thought i didn't know about her, well I do. Even more so the point I should be hired. I mean, I clearly am good at my job if i could even figure that out. and I think you could teach me all the necessary things to be properly equipped for the vigilante lifestyle. I mean I already have the odd sleep schedule. Sure, I'm not an orphan, since i know those are your type ;), but like hey, I could pretend. And with my familt being out of country so frequently it's pretty much the same thing. 

  
Anyways, I would love to be hired on as the next Robin, or even the next oracle.   
  
Sincerely, 

(future) Red Robin. 

 

p.s. how fucking dope does red robin sound. y'know like i can even meme it and just start going "yumm" at people

p.p.s thanks for considering batman sir. 

 

* * *

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass

akjshfdlkjahfd you guys,,,, i just sent in a joke  
application i made to be the next robin to an   
actual professional job summer internship  
application thing on accident. i'm crying,

3:43 AM • May 14, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

22k Retweets     121.5k Likes

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass

what strain of weed will make me forget this  
ever happened omg asdkjl fsalkjfd hsa  
my mom is gonna murder me in public

3:46 AM • May 14, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

22k Retweets     121.5k Likes

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass

 

update: just drank like five four loko's and  
sent a follow up email with the proper   
application attached. prayer circle that this   
man doesn't read the first one. 

3:52 AM • May 14, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**   @nightwingsass

 

lmao @ everyone saying why the fuck did you   
drink five four loko's do you want to die,  
yes i fucking do bethany!!!  

3:56 AM • May 14, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, this wasn't supposed to have a plot, just dumb writings for me to do and now it has a whole plot??? i'm fucking shook?? like this was gonna be just a dumb thing with timmy doing conspiracy theories and now there's a whole story?? but don't worry it'll still be mindless dumb shit. just with an underlying plot and direction dsad
> 
> also here's the batfam (plus wally) 's ages since i'm putting too much thought into this .
> 
> bruce - 37 (wtf??? he really shouldn't be under the age of 40 that's so weird to me but like i did the math, if he was 23 when he got 9 year old dick grayson, and dick grayson is 23 now, bruce would be 37, which is fucking weird.) 
> 
> wally - 25  
> babs - 24  
> dick - 23  
> jason - 21  
> cass - 20  
> tim & steph - 19  
> damian - 14


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> t(i wanna die)m @nightwingsass  
> moral of the story is that i would die for  
> dick grayson.

**t(i wanna die)m**  
@nightwingsass

i touched nightwing’s ass once, and immediately  
made a fan account. i'm not actually batman. 

📍  _Gotham, NJ_  🔗  _http://batdrake.tum…_

 

1,236 following      352.1k followers

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass

saw a conspiracy that i was batman, and i   
would like to publicly state that i'm not   
actually batman... which is what batman  
would also say, so believe me if you want. 

3:32 AM • May 10, 2018 • Twitter for iPhone

4.2k Replies  32k Retweets     521.5k Likes

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

what the fu ck !!!! i GOT THE FUCKINJG  
JOB ASODSAHGKDSFHGAD Y'ALLL !!!!!

1:19 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **denkichu** @ironstarks  
>  _replying to @nightwingsass_
> 
> 'grats bro 
> 
>  
> 
> **kon💥** @superboii  
>  _replying to @nightwingsass_
> 
> lkjfdsfdhg ik u already told  
>  me but like still akjdsfaf ur   
>  life is wild 
> 
>  
> 
> **nina** @batgirlsbitch  
>  _replying to @nightwingsass_
> 
> leak the robin application  
>  bitch,, we need to read it,  
>  it must've been bomb for  
>  you to still have gotten the  
>  job 
> 
>  
> 
> **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
>  _replying to @batgirlsbitch_
> 
> sfdkjgkhlskjfhgsfd dm me   
>  and i'll link you dskjflfg. 
> 
>  

**t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

like yeah, someone could walk up to me  
and say, Keanu Reeves is batman and I  
would believe them wholeheartedly.

2:37 AM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

was i wrong this whole fucking time????

2:36 AM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

whoaaaaa, is Keanu Reeves batman???

2:36 AM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass 

i just fought god in a batburger parking lot.  
could've just been Keanu Reeves though. 

2:34 AM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

_scroll down to view more._

 

* * *

 

 

 **twinkothy**  
 Y'ALL HOLY FUCK   
KJHFHGIREUHGEIU

 **twinkothy**  
dJAHJSAF I GOT  
tHE FUCKINGF JOB

 **konair**  
adjkasfds u'r fuckin  
kidding fkdsjhskj 

 **brat**  
this 100% proves   
that bruce wayne is   
batman there's no way  
he'd hire u otherwise. 

 **lesbib**  
or good all fashion  
nepotism?? 

 **twinkothy**  
yea probably

 **brat**  
valid

 **lesbib**  
congrats anyway  
Timmy !!! 

 **twinkothy**  
pls don't call  
me timmy :))))

 **konair**  
ye for sure  
timmy :)))) 

 **konair**  
hey clark is goin  
to gotham next week  
i think i can tag along  
if u want >:))))))

 **twinkothy**  
no, my appartment  
is a straight people  
free zone :)))) 

 **konair  
**i'll be there monday

 **brat  
**yo can i come

  
**twinkothy**  
ofc u've never  
done anything   
wrong in ur   
life ever and we   
all love you. 

 **lesbib**  
big agree  
  
**lesbib**  
bart is too   
good for us. 

 **brat**  
thanks guys :')

 **brat**  
love you too

 **brat**  
timmy >:))))

 

**twinkothy has left the groupchat**

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tim Drake  
@timjdrake

Timothy Drake, future CEO of Drake Inc.

📍  _Gotham, NJ_  🔗  _http://catherinetoddfound..._

120 following      64.2k followers

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **Tim Drake** @timjdrake

I'm hosting an adoption day at the  
@GothamHumaneSociety Sunday June 2nd,   
we're hoping to home a lot of animals that day.  
so please come out and join us more  
information here. bit.ly/1432234

3:20 PM • May 9, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

12k Retweets     118k Likes

 

 **Tim Drake** @timjdrake

Excited to announce that I've been accepted for  
a summer internship at W.E. this summer.   
Thank you for letting me do this, and I'm ready  
to learn all you have to teach me @BruceWayne.

2:20 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

* * *

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

@ everyone asking me to make a youtube  
channel to post my conspiracies, uh no.   
i'm not exposing myself as being attached to  
this account sjfdjfd

6:19 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

but since so many of y’all are like damn, ur life  
is really just like this, uhh, yes it fucking is  
fjskskskd have a fucking story time. 

6:20 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

idk if y’all know this, but I am a very dumb, very  
very gay 19 year old boy. ok like I’m bi, but that  
means I love and respect all women and dick grayson. 

6:21 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

so last year, when I was barely 18, I did what all  
dumb gay 18 year olds do, I went to a fucking  
party drank till I threw up and made out with  
some ‘straight’ guy. 

6:22 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

i'm not being trash by saying 'straight' just   
letting y'all know at the time he considered   
himself to be straight, and was still figuring  
out shit.

6:23 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

has since come out as gay, and has even asked  
me on a date a few times, but like he's not my  
type,,, and by that i mean, he's like too nice   
sdjhflsadjf 

6:24 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

anyway,, back to the story. we're at the party,  
and like it's the nice part in the outskirts of  
gotham that's not really Gotham but it is.

6:25 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

and it's like a bunch of teenagers having a  
bonfire and like under*ge drinking and shit  
but also it's rich kids so someone's probably  
snorting coke or some shit. 

6:26 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

and someone calls the fucking police! y'know  
like fuck them kids, rebecca not in my good  
catholic neighborhood. 

6:27 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

and lo and behold, the police show up  
and people are running around like crazy  
all of my friends dip and i'm left there  
looking like a dumb high jackass. 

6:28 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

which i probably was, like if you're  
gonna make dumb decisions might as well  
get cross faded. 

6:29 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

but guess who the fuck comes up to me!!!  
detective fine ass grayson.

6:31 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

look i know he's not a detective get the fuck  
out of my responses, police officer sounds  
dumb as fuck, when you look that good ok.

6:33 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

me, being, the dumb faded gay that i was,  
i wouldn't miss my shot ok. like never miss  
a shot ok. like never.

6:35 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

what would kobe do? (not that i know who i  
kobe is, but i could hear my best friend's   
voice in my mind saying that.)

6:35 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

so i shoot my fuckin shot, 18 year old,  
drunk, high, gay, depressed me, looks   
at this beautiful fucking man and deadass  
goes

6:36 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

"arrest me sir, i've been a really really  
bad boy."

6:36 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

or something equally embarrassing and  
cringey

6:37 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

and he's staring at me like he recognizes  
me, and i put my arms behind my back  
cause i want this man to [redacted] me   
on his [redacted] y'know. 

6:38 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

then he fucking does! arrest me that is,   
he's laughing the whole fucking time he   
cuffs me, and he puts me in the car and  
says something to the other officers there.

6:39 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

now that i think back to it he was probably  
saying that he knows me and is taking my   
dumbass home.  

6:40 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

so we're driving for awhile and i'm talkin  
shit y'know, cause i wanna get laid, y'know  
just saying shit about him taking me back  
to his house to [redacted]

6:41 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

and then he calls me by my fucking   
childhood nickname, that i hate w/ a  
burning passion, but it like sounds   
nice when he says it so i'm not too   
pressed.

6:42 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

he's basically like, "yeah kid, we're  
not gonna do that. i'm gonna take you  
home and you can tell your mom what   
you were doing."

6:43 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

boner instantly killed, and i'm suddenly   
having a mental breakdown in the back   
seat of a cop car with the man of my  
dreams staring at me like i just lost  
my mind.

6:44 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

cause apparently he didn't know my mom  
was in the hospital and i explain that to him  
after he'd finally managed to calm me   
down. 

6:45 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

which he did by pulling over on the side of the  
road and cradling me in his arms in the   
backseat. can i just say he gives the   
best hugs in the whole world. 

6:46 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **t(i wanna die)m**  @nightwingsass   
_responding to @nightwingsass_

moral of the story is that i would die for  
dick grayson.

6:48 PM • May 17, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **noah ❀** @noahfense

wait guys,, i think i know  
who @nightwingsass is.

2:22 AM • May 18, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
_responding to @noahfense_  
  
gonna take a note from his book and make  
a conspiracy thread. 

2:23 AM • May 18, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
_responding to @noahfense_

@nightwingsass' is tim drake,  
a conspiracy thread. 

2:24 AM • May 18, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update again, had a very emotional week but i'll be updating more frequently now.  
> also i would like to personally apologize for the "what would kobe do" line, that's direct effect from spending an entire week with my older brother. but like you can't tell me conner kent wouldn't say some straight boy bullshit like that lkjashfdlksa
> 
> uhhh, come talk to me on tumblr i need friends :)))[@wlwallywest](http://www.wlwallywest.tumblr.com)  
> i also have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/smallmightjr) that i don't fucking know how to use : )
> 
> also i always make sure i respond to all of my comments before updating so i should've gotten to your comment and if i haven't asdfjahfd i'm so sorry
> 
>  
> 
> also edit: I’m so fucking disappointed that not a single person commented their batsona’s last chapter :-//// y’all


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wtf thanks for 200 kudos??? y'all are the fuckin coolest.  
> like i'm p sure it was just under 100 when i posted chatper 3 what the hell aslklkjdshf  
> and all of these fucking comments??? I'm cry???  
> i'm really grateful for every comment and it makes my whole day thank you!!!! sorry for not responding to all of them,, it was a lot!!! but still!!! i appreciated all of them and can’t wait to read y’alls comments on this chapter!! 
> 
> also if you didn't see it yet there's now a prequel that actually has nothing to do with this story, it just takes place in this universe. (lmao not sure I’m how I’m feeling about it,, might rewrite it when I’m not suffering from constant migraines because of eye strain.) i went to target the other day and the cashier's name was timmy and i couldn't not write tim drake working in retail sadkjfjsafd.

**noah ❀**  
@noahfense

virgo, 19. chem major at gotham u

📍  _Gotham, NJ_  🔗  _http://catherinetoddfo...._

 

392 following      4,521 followers

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **noah ❀** @noahfense

since y'all are looking at my account  
cause of the @nightwingsass conspiracy  
here are some shelters for lgbt youth  
you should donate to in gotham 

9:32 AM • May 20, 2018 • Twitter for iPhone

1k Retweets     3.5k Likes

 

* * *

 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense

wait guys,, i think i know  
who @nightwingsass is.

2:22 AM • May 18, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_  
  
gonna take a note from his book and make  
a conspiracy thread. 

 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

@nightwingsass' is tim drake,  
a conspiracy thread.

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

so, i went to the same high school as tim,  
like we sat next to each other in chemistry in  
sophmore year and he like slept the entire class  
or watched anime in the back row.  

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

and one day he like offered me one of his  
headphones and we watched blue exorcist  
together, true weeb solidarity. 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

anyways after that we became p close friends,  
which leads me to believe that he's @nightwingsass

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

if there's one thing tim drake loves more than  
weed and coffee it's conspiracy theories.   
(sometimes anime.) 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

like if you've ever talked to this guy  
he could convince you that government  
created corn for like population control  
or some shit. 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

and the weird ass theories on @nightwingsass  
has tim drake energy all over them. like? the  
one about that missing pilot being green    
lantern? tim drake is written all over it. 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

now that i've stated my original thoughts,   
here's some proof (sorry i have no clue   
how to do these theories guys.) 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

so, in start the whole dick grayson   
story time is what really solidified it  
so we'll start there. 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

i had left before the cops had showed,  
but i heard all about it at school the   
next day. 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

and mandy told me that tim got   
arrested, which i callled bullshit  
he's got a clean record they would't   
actually arrest him for that. 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

since he wasn't at school i texted him  
and told me what happened. which   
is an exact recant of what happened  
  
( see attached image ) 

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_  

which lines up perfectly with what  
@nightwingsass tweeted about their  
expirence w/ dick grayson / the party

 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

and has anyone noticed at the same  
time @nightwingsass talks about the  
whole application mishaps and getting  
the job, tim also announces getting  
accepted into an internship w/ W.E.

 

 **denkichu**  @ironstarks  
 _replying to @noahfense_

if u're friends wit tim y   
r u exposing him? 

 **noah ❀**  @noahfense  
 _responding to @noahfense_

we were friends, and then   
he fucked my boyfriend :) 

 

 **Lacey** @batmen  
 _responding to @noahfense_

 

 

* * *

 

 

**13 times Tim Drake 'Nightwingsass' was a Mood**

" We stan this nightwing stan. " 

 

Posted on May 22, 2019 at 2:10 PM.

 

On Saturday night a twitter user, Noah Bernacki (@noahfense), a 19 year old student at University of Gotham (Gotham U) posted a thread about who she theorized the owner of the iconic account '@nightwingsass' is. And well, we've got to agree with that theory. Tim Drake or @nightwingsass have yet to respond and make a statement on the theory, which has well over five hundred thousand likes so there isn't a chance they haven't seen it, Confirmation of ownership?

 

Either way the owner has some iconic moments that were 100% a mood. 

 

 **1.** _That time he contemplated what he'd be willing to do for extra credit_

 

 

 

> **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass   
> if i cry enough will my professor   
> not fail me or should i like just   
> suck his dick or like both idk i  
> got options. 
> 
>  

**2.** _Catwoman's Leather Thigh High Heeled Boots, enough said._

 

 

 

> **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass  
> i know i'm like a nightwing stan and  
> i'm all about like justice or whatever  
> but like catwoman if you see this pls  
> step on me in those leather thigh  
> highs please. 
> 
>  

**3.** _Which led to him thinking up new costume designs for Nightwing._

 

 

 

> **t(i wanna die)m** @nightwingsass  
> coULD Y'ALL FUCKING IMAGINE  
> NIGHTWING IN THOSE THIGH HIGHS  
> I- 

_yes, we really really could._

 

 

 click to read more

 

* * *

 

**teafaerie** :  
non gotham trying to figure out  
what the fuck is going on

**wlwbatgirl rebbloged** :   
gotham is trending because of tim drakes thirst for nightwing  
i love 20biteen. 

**beyoncesassisamericasass reblogged** : 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **mattyheelies posted** : 

i love how the internet is losing their shit over the fact that a rich asian twink is running a nightwing stan account, meanwhile i'm having a fucking aneurysm over the fact that gotham is a real place. like wow y'all really like fucking live that??? how are y'all even alive???? 

**wlwbatgirl reblogged:**

batman and spite. mostly batman. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

"You fucked her boyfriend!" Cassie shrills with laughter on the other side of the line, Tim grimaces at the amused smirks at Kon and Bart who sat across from him on his truly _disgusting_ ~~if it could even be called a~~ couch. 

Tim groans and runs a hand down his face, "We didn't actually have sex, I gave him a subpar handy in the backseat of his truck and then he cried." 

 His three friends burst into laughter, Tim was pretty sure Bart might actually choke with how hard he was laughing. His entire body moving with the force, well he's always in constant motion so it could just be him being him.  He hits the end call, he'd rather get ridiculed by two idiots, than three. 

"Why did he cry? Was it that bad?" Kon asks after he's calmed enough to actually get words out. 

Tim slid down on the floor, that was surprisingly clean for once. (Tim's definition of clean at least, there weren't plates or cups on the floor, therefore clean.)  

"No, it wasn't _that_ bad, probably good old catholic guilt or something." His friends laugh again, and he sighs like a teenage girl in a 2003 disneychannel original movie, "Guys that's not the point. I don't know what to do. Like everyone knows I run the fucking account. My mother is actually going to murder me. Janet Drake is gonna fucking murder me and get away with it. She'll like dress in that one black coat that's been sitting in her closet forever, and those big ass shades."

Kon cuts him off with his own input on his mom's potential funereal wear, "And those big ass pearls, she's been saving those for a special occasion."

Tim ignores him and goes back to his rant, "She'll play the role of grieving mother and everyone will fall for it because she's such a fucking actress. God. I mean it's not like i'm not ready to die, but then my dad will be sad, and I don't want him to have to deal with the stress of hiding the fact that mom murder me. His blood pressure is pretty high, he can't deal with that stress and planning the funereal would like kill him, y'know?" He pauses for a second, he breathes for the first time in over a minute like he forgot that he was supposed to and that his body required it to function. It's not like Tim often thought about what was best for his body, the mug sitting an inch away from him half full of coffee and a fourth of vodka and five hour energy was an testament to that.

Like a little Tim inside of his mind flipped a switch, he started speaking again, "Will you get Dick Grayson to come to my funeral please? No, actually no, I couldn't ever have him crying over me, he's too pretty to cry. Like I think I would like actually nut on spot if I ever see him cry. Whoa, whoa, whoa wait. _Whoa_ , do I have crying kink, is that like a _thing_?"

Kon and Bart answer at the same time, "Yes it is." "Dude you're not gonna die." 

Tim took a swig of his death brew in the cheesy ass nightwing mug Kon bought him when he was still a decent friend. "But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like people know it's me I can't like avoid it. She literally pulled up text messages."

Kon, being his best friend, and a literal asshole, says, "You should've thought about that before giving her boyfriend a shitty hand job." 

"How about you just take a break from social media. This whole thing will blow over eventually." Sweet, sweet Bart. Tim wishes sixteen year old him had better taste in boys, he and Bart would've been amazing together. 

"Right, yeah I can do that. I think." 

"Cool, now hand me a controller and prepare to get your ass beat." 

 Tim and Kon snicker at the same time and chirp, "Phrasing." 

* * *

 

_twinkothy retweeted_

**twinkothy**  @nightwingsass

omg omg omg i just touched nightwings   
ass, i can die now. pls and thank you.   
i've reached my peak in life. 

3:32 AM • July 13, 2016 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy** @nightwingsass 

that's where this all started and i'll fucking  
stand by it. 

1:32 AM • June 1, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass 

y'all : tim drake is @nighwingsass  
me, an intelluctual: tim drake is masked  
vigilante kiwi, alexa send fucking tweet. 

1:34 AM • June 1, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass 

since this is like out there, i would like to   
thank not only god, but batman himself,   
that my mom doesn't know how to use  
twitter. 

1:35 AM • June 1, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass 

anyways, happy fucking pride babes, better  
not catch any straights in gotham or i'll meet   
you in my fur suit with the fucking sword  
in the batburger parking lot. 

1:38 AM • June 1, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass 

since i'm back, let's get back into the swing of  
things, vote for the next conspiracy/story time

_**a) the court of owls** _

_**b) my robin application** _

_**c) the story behind wonder woman** _

_**d) superman isn't actually an alien.** _

2:08 AM • June 1, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooo, sorry for not updating my eyes have been hurting sooo fuckin bad lately. but a bitch can finally see again so uhm here's my offering of a headassery chaotic mess of a chapter
> 
>  
> 
> also idk who needs to hear this but like pls by my friend,, ok like let's send each other fanfic recs and cute fanart and you can listen to me rant about fics i'm writing and we'll send each other dumb memes and we can talk about tim drake and all our dumbass headcanons ok, thanks.  
> like for real [dm](https://twitter.com/smallmightjr) on twitter or [tumblr](https://wlwallywest.tumblr.com/), just like send me a link to your favorite fic. and i'll send you a link back thanks, it can be the start of a beautiful friendship.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **ALSO PLS VOTE IN THE COMMENTS WHAT TIMS NEXT THEORY SHOULD BE! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eat the ice cream, Tom"  
> "Uhm, ok Sir. " 
> 
> Tim unexpectedly meets Bruce Wayne, cries over his son, and theorizes about superman. Uh, in that exact order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kjflksajlksajfd did y'all forget about this fic??? cause i clearly did dsjlfajhfdjfd. kjdsahf ok but fr i'm so sorry like i don't even have a reason besides the fact that i've been doing absolutely nothing. like i planned on posting this before my birthday, and my birthday was a whole ass 17 days ago. but,, sis is officially, jared, 19, (does that mean i'm batman?) :))) 
> 
> so a court of owls did end up winning but i didn't get the comments/votes that made it win until after i started writing this chapter so the court of owls theory will be here eventually!!!! i promise!!!! like half of this chapter has been sititng as a draft for a month :))) 
> 
> uhh, timeline is kinda all over the place this chapter since i was supposed to be updating in realtime and then fucked off for like a whole ass month
> 
> also the man of steel was a horrible movie but i did take a little inspiration from it for this theory rip. like this has so much inspiration from many things,,, comics, yj, and that god awful movie :))) 
> 
> yj3 is,,, uhhh yeah.

twinkothy  
@nightwingsass

i touched nightwing’s ass once, and immediately  
made a fan account. tim drake for robin 2k19

📍  _Gotham, NJ_  🔗  _http://batdrake.tum…_

 

1,561 following      566.9k followers

 

 

 **pinned tweet** 📍

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass

saw a conspiracy that i was batman, and i   
would like to publicly state that i'm not   
actually batman... which is what batman  
would also say, so believe me if you want. 

3:32 AM • May 10, 2018 • Twitter for iPhone

2.4k Replies  25k Retweets     435k Likes

 

**twinkothy** @nightwingsass

since i'm back, let's get back into the swing of  
things, vote for the next conspiracy/story time

 _34% voted the court of owls_  
_16% voted my robin application_  
_10% voted the story behind wonder woman_  
**_40% voted superman isn't actually an alien_**

_this poll has ended_

2:08 AM • June 1, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

* * *

 

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales

i love how y'all are all acting shocked,  
that tim just like 100% embraced this  
and just went back to theories like  
that isn't the most tim drake thing  
to do. 

9:15 PM • June 2, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

28 Retweets  172 Likes

 

 **denkichu**  @ironstarks  
_replying to @smilesmorales_

i don't live in gotham, i know  
nothing about tim drake besides  
his thirst for dick. 

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_replying to @ironstarks  
_

i really can't tell if you mean  
dick grayson, or like, dick...  
either way mo o d.

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales

uh, but for non-gotham/people  
who haven't met tim drake  
here are some of my tim stories. 

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

so i also,, go to gotham u  
like every other person on this   
hell site apparently.

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

and had officially met tim in a   
study group freshman year, and   
we had found out we were going  
to the same concert so he invited  
me to hang w his friends

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

it was gorillaz btw

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

anyway, i meet his friends, and   
i've heard him like talking about them  
before so i was expecting like a group  
of nerdy dumbasses, but lo and behold

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

they're all stupidly hot and could  
clearly kick my ass.

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

LIKE, YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS STUPIDLY   
TALL HOT AS HELL PUNK DUDE IN A   
LEATHER JACKET IN THE MIDDLE OF SPRING  
BREAK COSPLAYS AND PLAYS DND.

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

also i had a convo w/ him by his self when  
everyone went to bathroom i had asked  
how old he was cause he has one of those  
faces where you really cant tell

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

he literally just goes "idk i'm baby"  
like ,,, mood. anyway back to tim 

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

so we're at the concert and having a   
good time when tim just suddenly   
starts crying. for no reason.

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

and i looked at his friends super  
alarmed because i've never seen him  
show emotion besides pure chaotic   
energy.

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

like it wasn't sobbing or anything just  
like silent tears streaming down his face  
but he's still like singing and awkwardly  
bouncing to the music. 

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

"is he okay?" i ask hot blonde girl   
and she just laughs and goes  
"yeah, he does this at every concert  
since hatsune miku." 

 

 **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

i, was clearly, confused, like,   
someone please come get your kid. 

 

 **sara**   @sarawithoutanh  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

Is the hot blonde girl Stephanie Brown?  
Cause boy do I have a story about  
Steph and Tim. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **shyla**  🌼 @smilesmorales  
>  _responding to @sarawithoutanh_
> 
> No her name wasn't Stephanie,  
>  but please share the story. 

 

 **sara**   @sarawithoutanh  
_responding to @smilesmorales_

 

I'm at work rn but I'll definitely share it later. 

 

* * *

 

 

Steph **🍆**    
@stephbrown

Will send feet pics for 500 dollars. 

📍  _Gotham, NJ_   🔗  _http://catherinetoddfound..._

120 following      64.2k followers

 

 **Steph 🍆**  @stephbrown

and I literally mean little, he's   
barely 5'4.

4:32 PM • June 4, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

10k Retweets     143k Likes

 

 **Steph 🍆**  @stephbrown

I have like twelve hundred tim   
drake stories. what would y'all   
like to know about the little nerd?

 4:31 PM • June 4, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **Steph 🍆** retweeted

 **Jason Todd-Wayne**  @cryptidwayne  
" ** _@nightwingsass:_**   _jason todd kicked my_  
_ass once and i still have the scars to prove_  
_it. don't try me i'll call my lawyers_ "   
Shut the fuck up you fell out of a tree  
and cried cause my dog came to see if  
you were okay.

11:32 AM • June 3, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

* * *

 

 

Tim imagined this moment for years, this is how he thought it would go: 

 

Tim Drake stood in front of the Wayne manor, practicing his speech in his head again, 'Look Batman, you need a robin and I'm your guy.' Firm but not too demanding, it gets the point across. Bruce wouldn't answer the door when he arrived, _obviously_ not. Alfred would be there and lead him down a long path of hallways, when he ~~demanded~~  asked politely to speak with Mr. Wayne. 

Mr. Wayne would be in his office doing paperwork ~~or whatever it is he does when he's pretending not to be batman~~. Tim would state his case, that he knew he was batman, he's done the research. Mr. Wayne would deny it but Tim would come prepared. He'd bring a chart mapping out all the major injuries batman has had appeared to the time Wayne has left for "random business trips". When that would ultimately fail to prove his point Tim would bring out the recordings, the comparisons of the way Robin I moved and Dick Grayson. And when he finally had Bruce cornered he'd ~~beg~~ demand to be the new Robin, he's earned it. 

That is not how it goes. 

 _This_ is how it goes:

Tim is in an Ice Cream shop ten minutes before closing, wearing a sweater four sizes too big for him hair pulled back (into technically a bun??? even though most of it still hung around his face) quietly singing along to the song playing through his working headphone " _I'm done chasing parties, I'm done chasing baddies, I'm done getting home past two_." He's squinting at his laptop screen even though his glasses are sitting on the table two feet away from him. He knows he should probably leave but he's here enough at this time to be friends with the person who closes so she lets him stay after closing sometimes. 

He's debating getting up to get more ice cream when someone sits across from him. He squints at them, it's clearly not Sara, who's closing tonight. It's gotta be like a kid or _something_ , it's face is quite pudgy. Perhaps a demon? 

The demon tuts before speaking, "Father really is a fool for thinking you know anything."

"Uh, Rude." Tim's not sure who's kid this is, but he knows everything thank you very much. "I know plenty, you tiny goblin." 

He hears a snicker from across the shop, followed by a voice he's all too familiar with, "Dami, what size do you want?" 

He chokes, Dick Grayson is here? While he looks like this, it's _tragic_ really. 

"Father said I could have a large." The Goblin-demon replies, who is probably Damian Wayne, he should probably apologize and beg him not to tell his father so he doesn't lose the internship. 

"No I did not." Another voice comes in from his left, how did Tim not know they were here. He shoves his glasses back on and lets out a scared whimper seeing Bruce Wayne standing ominously in the corner, perhaps he was scarier than batman. It got worse when he smiled, "Timothy would you like some ice cream?" 

"Uh, no thank you. Sir, I uh actually have to get going they're closing pr-" Tim's cut off by Wayne.

"Dick get an ice cream for Timothy too."

Tim does want more ice cream, but should probably save his sanity and leave as soon as possible before he ruins his chances even more. But then he looks at Dick Grayson now that he can see, and wow, he's a weak man, cause he smiles at him and calls him Timmy and asks what kind of ice cream he'd like and Tim has to physically restrain himself from saying ' _yours_ ' and panics and says chocolate. _He doesn't even like chocolate ice cream_. But he smiles again and Tim is determined to eat it all. 

Dick walks to the counter to order from Sara, who's just as starry-eyed as Tim feels and he's left awkwardly sitting across from his new boss's son who he'd mistaken for goblin-demon, _what it's Gotham_? And his soon to be new boss, just saw him stare at his eldest sons ass and Tim would like to die now. 

"So, uh Mr. B-Wayne, Sir. I'm really excited to get the chance to work with you this s-" 

Bruce gives him an uncomfortable smile, like he'd rather be anywhere else but here, Tim could relate.  "Please Tom, no work talk with ice cream."

"Right," He closes his laptop and stuffs it haphazardly into his backpack to make room on the table for Dick returning with the ice cream. "And actually sir, it's Tim. But you, uh knew that. You called me Timothy twice, unless you thought my name was Tomothy, and I just misheard you. But that's a pretty unusual name and you'd have had to have read my application for me to get in. I mean, unless Lucius,  I mean Mr. Fox did all the work, which wouldn't surprise me hearing what people say about you.  Not that uhm, people say anything about you,  just uhm," He racks his brain for one nice thing he's heard people say about Bruce, "that you're an, okay dad. Fuck wait, that's not what I meant, fuck I didn't mean to say fuck in front of you or your goblin child. Fuuu-" 

"Eat the ice cream, Tom." Bruce says pushing the chocolate ice cream to him. 

"Yeah, okay Sir. " 

Damian gives his father an incredulous look, like he'd made the dumbest decision of his life hiring in Tim Drake, and he might just be fucking right. 

 

* * *

 

 

 **The Gazette** @GothamGazette

Wayne's oldest, Richard Grayson  
announces engagement to long-term  
partner, Wallace West. Read their story  
here. bit.ly/x2g53

6:32 PM • June 12, 2019 • Twitter for WebClient

291k Retweets     935k Likes

 

 

 

 

>  
> 
> **nina** @batgirlsbitch  
>  _replying to @GothamGazette_
> 
> idk where _@nightwingsass_ is  
>  rn, but i know he's crying. i   
>  just know it. 
> 
>  
> 
> **twinkothy** @nightwingsass  
>  _replying to @batgirlsbitch_
> 
> i'm :) happy :) for :) him :) 

 

 

 

 

 **twinkothy** @nightwingsass

it goes against my moral code to   
thirst after a married man, so like  
if anyone like wants to date me  
pls do so now. :) 

6:35 PM • June 12, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy** @nightwingsass

guysss, i"m really drunk ugly  
cryng lsitenig to 'heartache'  
by one ok rock, send hlp[

1:20 AM • June 13, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

**_twinkothy retweeted_ **

 

 **nina** @batgirlsbitch

dick grayson: *gets enaged*  
@ _nightwingsass_ : sO THIS  
IS HEART ACHE!

1:31 AM • June 13, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy** @nightwingsass

all of y'all are like, wow why're you crying  
over dick grayson when you've still got  
nightwing, and youre' right i fuckin stan  
y'all sm;

2:22 AM • June 13, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

4.6k Retweets     12k Likes

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass

alright, bitches, i'm back.  
with conspiracy theories dumber  
than ever.

11:47 PM • June 14, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

2.4k Replies  25k Retweets     435k Likes

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_  
  
y'all voted and we're gonna talk  
about who the fuck superman is.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

before y'all even start, no  
I don't think bruce wayne is  
superman, i've seen that theory.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

but, someone involved in that theory  
is in fact the real superman.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

so y'all know that reporter that always,  
does interviews w/ superman.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

he's superman. that's it. that's  
theory.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

ok but for real, there are two reporters  
that have actually interviewed superman  
besides the whole shoving a camera in  
his face when he's out doing superman  
stuff.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

but tim? what does this have to do with  
the theory that superman isn't actually  
an alien. patience, my child.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

before working for the daily planet,  
Clark Kent went on a road to self  
discovery traveling the world as one  
does.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

instead of backpacking across europe  
like a normal college student. kent, went  
to the arctic.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

There he stumbled upon a spaceship,  
I know this sounds made up as hell,  
but this is from an articile Lois Lane made  
that got taken down by the gov.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

here's a pic but with redacted shit, cause if i  
postedthe whole thing they'd probably snipe  
me and i'm waiting for area 51 to die sooo....

 (see attached) 

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

Basically upon going into the space ship,  
it triggered an automated system that fucked  
with his genetics. actived some type of  
meta-gene and became a fucking superhero.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

basically what i'm saying is,  
Superman is just some guy with the  
midwest that has an actual comic book  
origin.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

Superman didn't really become active  
until after Kent's excursion, and there  
were reports of a man fitting Kent's  
description sans cape and tights

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

also since i have dated his brother(?)  
son(?) idk they're very unclear of their  
relationship, anyway, i've seen pictures  
of him w/o the glasses and he looks  
a lot like superman

(see attached)

 

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

i've also seen baby pictures of him from the  
80s so more proof on the not an alien part  
unless his planet dropped him off here when  
he was like a newborn.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

and just think about the fact,,  
that only he & his wife,, have  
actual interviews w/ superman.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

basically, superman is a normal dude  
from the midwest who happened upon  
a thing that changed his genetic make-up

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

and instead of becoming a villain  
(i'm looking at you, gotham rouges)  
he became the hero.

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

but lmaooo yea, superboy is  
a clone, y'all are right about that.  
he's half superman / half lex luthor

(see attached)

 

 **twinkothy**  @nightwingsass  
_responding to @nighwtingsass_

anyway,, if any radioactive spiders  
wanna bite me, or any doctors wanna  
try experimental medicine on me to  
give me superhuman abilities i'm game.

12:21 AM • June 15, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

**_twinkothy retweeted_ **

**maru** @redarrowss

all i'm taking from this  
is the fact that tim drake fucked  
superman's brother. legends only.

12:31 AM • June 15, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

 **twinkothy** @nightwingsass

Can't believe I get to be non-problematic  
Shane Dawson. link in my bio. _"_ **@nghtwing** :  
remember when tim tweeted that he wouldn't  
_make a youtube channel bc he didn't want to_  
_be attached to this account. well secrets out_  
_now, start the channel coward."_  

3:19 AM • June 15, 2019 • Twitter for iPhone

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like always, not beta-read, i barely skimmed before posting this  
> if you wanna be my beta-reader hit me the h*ck up bro. 
> 
> me screaming into the void : STEPHANIE BROWN IS TALLER THAN TIM DRAKE
> 
> https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Timothy_Drake_(New_Earth) : tim drake is 5'6.  
> me, who writes him as being 5'4 on a good day: this sign won't stop me i can't read! 
> 
> i haven't responded to comments yet !!! but i will definitely get to it!!!! i promise!!! i just have like 60 unread comments in my inbox rn, it's gonna take a minute. 
> 
> uhhhh, i also have a bnha fanfic posted if [y'all are like into that](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887410). (it's bkdk) 
> 
> hmmm, also would you guys be interested in me setting up a discord for like the theories that don't make it into the story??   
> and other g;act-verse shenniagains? y'know and i can actually keep you up to date when there will be updates (cause i impulsively applied for a vet tech program even though i had decided that i was saving up to go to college in japan :)))) but my classes will be starting next month and we all can clearly see i'm horrible with consistent updates as is so throwing school into that mess??? yikes) & we can just share batfam head canons, yeah that's all. 
> 
> also question of the chapter,,, what do y'all think batfam's music tastes are?? because i want to know??? 
> 
> like always here's a link to my [twitter](https://twitter.com/smallmightjr) and [tumblr](https://wlwallywest.tumblr.com/), i also have a [simblr](https://kitsugarden.tumblr.com) now too if y'all are into that, nd i'd love to talk to y'all so hit me up :)))


End file.
